3:00PM
I just emerged from our thoughts and feelings group. I learned a new and valuable insight about myself that relates to an aspect of my core character. I need to write this down before I lose it. My friend was talking about the disappointment felt when someone lets you down after making plans. The things he said and the things he talked about here, I kept mirror-imaging onto myself. On this reflection, I learned these lessons:
- I naturally set low standards for people and expect nothing, so that anything that happens in a positive way, is a bonus, and tastes so much better.
- I am a cynic! I believe absolutely everyone makes decisions for themselves first. BUT, I twist this belief without changing it. I tend to look after my own self first, and not only does it feel good, and this is the main aspect: You cant do anything resembling something that is not selfish if you’re stuck in a ditch yourself. And that’s a fact of life, a very important aspect nonetheless!! But here’s the crunch: I’m still cynical. That word, in this world, isn’t a positive sounding or sweet word.
- Lesson gained:
I’m a happy guy naturally. I strive to be GOOD or whatever you want to call it, though it gets confused and messed and tangled. This is what acts as a buffer for situations I am not able to control, and this is a BIG THING, this is a BIG aspect of who I am: I let myself indulge in this sphere of neutrality, numb.
That’s a new insight into myself and my specific wording, that I articulated around this point, I used to get at a real ditch in who I am and what I do about who I am, how I treat myself and what weight I put on the balances and on what sides. Perspective can be an amazing thing to sample. That’s what I think, anew, anyway.
The Humble Rock Dove 