As with many young boys in the age with computers amd telephones, from a young age, and almost as soon as I could, I developed an interest in photographs and videos, of women, of a sexual nature. I refuse to call it directly as the common term “pornography”, here, because that denotes an industry that disgusts me as the entire unit. My interest was solely in beautiful young women, who appeared completely happy and at ease with themselves, and doing what they loved, earning money, and enjoying themselves along the way. That’s all I saw, and that’s all I have ever been interested in, with regards to as my “libido” is concerned.
As time progressed, the relationship grew increasingly deeper and more frustrated, for reasons I will discuss in my next article. I have always, always been extremely intense as an individual, as everyone who has met me and spent any length off time with me, my passions seem to many, to be particularly intense, bordering onto the point of obsession.
It was no different for me, with admiring young ladies on the internet. I found the gleam in the eyes and facial features, as well as a certain kind of frame, well, intoxicating.
20s onwards is the years a young man is supposed to “sow his wild oats” so to speak. But i couldnt have cared less for that. My heart had already been broken, trampled over, and later shat on and defiled to the absolute limit, already, and this is well before i reached my mid 20’s.
I don’t want to go into details about why i felt the need to find release in viewing and watching this sort of media right now, i think any warm blooded human with a functioning sex drive would understand! Unless they themselves are chained to the walls of some cult or perverse order, that denies them something that is a biological necessity of the natural order, and way of life.
As time progressed into and past my mid-twenties, i decided to take a step back, but i am a creature that was born to love, and the more i denied my will to have this sort of release, the more it would intensify. To the point, where, i would make a monthly, bi-monthly, or sometimes even a tri-monthly excursion to get really high on stimulants, and just let it out. That was me. I had no interest in a single other real relationship past the point of 18, and a failed short one at 19. I just didn’t.
The Humble Rock Dove 