My best memory’s of Evelyn in the old flat were when she finally left the sink after 3 days after what I did to Bunny. She sat on my beanbag in front of the picture in front of me and Michael, telling all the children that were there about the tree of life, while I washed dishes.
Wed Feb 7th
Great conversations about lots of minutia. Your mind voice is soo soft, and your lights flail around when the right amped up music plays. Wildly. Evelyn has been pretending to be asleep all day in her new Dutch clothes, listening to everything. She was surprised by the Grimes track you introduced me to last night. I hadnt heard it before either but it was extremely fitting to how I described to suzanne about how I want the solar system to explode. So thanks for that.
Both of you got me to change my photo to the nico one. Because of mine and Trevor’s conversation about female fragility being terrifyingly strong.
While I’m talking about Evelyn’s soul, I may as well mention the day Zoe looked out at the sun and made me cry. Evelyn shouted so aggressively that I was to propose marriage to Zoe instantly. There and then. That is such a foreign concept, not only in my world, and the environment, but also zeitgeist. I went to my room and We had our most vocal and first argument.
On the night I let my feelings get the better of me on the matter of blixa bargeld’s mutterlein cover, she stood with me on it, just as angry. the rest of my company, previous incarnations etc, all bowed. That is what she’s like: tamed fire on a short leash.
Today, both of you have been nagging me to play Talk to Me by Stevie Nicks. No offence to either of you but ive worn that out so much. You smile at her disappointment slyly. You know why: because i am currently the pilgrim of great fulfillment and joy. It certainly is lovely to see and hear these representations of both of you so clearly.
i wonder if you took DMT on the second of february or actually died, when your voice popped into my head the next day in hospital (prison) and i recognised and asked it, you said “nah, poison, just poison” which is either a decent and funny lie or a horrificaly horrible truth.
I’m glad me and your mawn from 3 lifetimes ago could be of some help in treating a deep wound. All of this has been as purely uncontrived as possible, i think you’re aware. i got a free VERY psychedelic trip that night too. A tunnel led out to the bathroom mirror, where a voice said “HEALTH”, and i felt and looked great, too. even after all that extreme loss and grief. Now im in hospital. *sad trumpet*
im forced, willingly into an extremely graphic desire that’s in harmony with both ourselves. Your joy. im not writing it.
The Humble Rock Dove 