3rd September ’25
Grief is with me. I feel it pervasively, all inside my body’s circulation systems, as a dark, thin oil. When it swells, I sit or lie down, should it get so intense. From there, I feed it the love, of me. I have had a very slow, muted, slightly dreary day. Much of my magic and wonderment seems muted
6:51pm
Just in from a walk. Went through the park as usual. Thought about cleaning and maintaining my room all the way there. Didn’t have any significant thoughts worth mentioning at all, on the way back. But on the final stretch of road I noticed my fatigue levels were unusually high in my legs, and from a walk I do most days too. Bit odd, that. First thought was “must be the fasting and the soft-drinks”.
4th September ’25
I woke up with a spike of fear effect, like I used to. Whatever is my “fear alarm clock”, it seems to care about me again, and how I wake up each morning. It’s nice to have it back, honestly. But I still need my mood stabilising medication.
I am thinking of the frayed soul I spoke of on the first of this month, and how deep and real it was. Then the walk in the park, beside a river that helped wash away the grief I was experiencing in real time, I just focused on the flow of the river, and put all my attention on it. All these feelings I’ve been feeling, such as the undone, ragged soul, to the liquid grief, became part of my body. Emotions like this, permeate, and dissipate.
20 to 10am
As my mood stabiliser kicks in, I feel warm thinking about you, and there’s nothing you can do about it. It should be a policy: warm reassurance for all. And that means especially those stuck, or waiting, or fretting, and so on and so forth. Dread is a mighty canvas for any willing, to push and pull a new innovative frequency on.
I hope I make you laugh from time to time. You, yourself have shown me the world really isn’t as funny as I find it, most of the time. Its too beautiful, too frail in the hands of men, and limited to a blossoming era and a fall. There’s nothing funny about the seasons, much less all the layers of a human soul. I observe my sense of humour when a joke kicks in, walking the streets. A random-looking splash of laughter. I’ve never seen anyone do it apart from me. Evidence I must really be crazy.
The wavelength of my primary guiding frequency has opened doors for me, in the world around me. The physical world, not online, which I ought to avoid as much as I can, really… (says the blog post).
10:13am
There really is nothing funny about the divine, and when you truly recognise everything, from trees, plants, animals, tarmac, art and skyscrapers have an element of divinity, you slow down and realise each little nanosecond of time is precious, and each moment, truly divine. Lets, then, consider destruction and carnage and atrocities. Can these acts of mankind be thought of in a good light? My answer, simply is, “Not by my standard, Even slightly.”. I am tree of life, not death.
1:01pm
I am wondering if the night sky is also blue, but a shade of navy so dark it appears black. After all, the stars are still suns, from other systems.
1:49pm
That ancient grief is back, full pelt. It supplies my sensation of life with a weighty fatigue. I had a nap (complete with mindripples and a little vision or two), and have just taken my lions mane, zinc, magnesium. For lunch I ate a full pizza, which is rare for me. More than enough for the rest of the day. Writing this out to express it is enlivening, honestly. The day is fair: cool and cloudy but bright. I think a quiet mindset is a good idea.
3.00pm
I decided to clean up before a walk, soon. I cant say what’s in my head or what thoughts have chosen me. I keep a song in my head, and sip a coffee, for now. I believe I am still being punished or rewarded by the universe’s signals and echoes. Wholesome activity is rewarded, and sometimes praised.
I’m thinking about the voices. It seems most of what they said, now, in this moment in time, is rendered false. And I say “most of”, because it’s definitely not all. I believe there is still an awful lot of truth, even in a single thread or a fragment. But what’s for sure is, I will be keeping them to myself, for the most part. I still get them, as I’ve said, from time-to-time, but also, time is the teacher that told me that the visions aren’t being picked up properly by other people when I tell them about them.
3:10pm
I’m remembering the list of things, (that I am succeeding in doing, nonetheless), the voice of Taylor told me, when I had her voice with me still. Before it was taken away from me. Unreasonably, forcably, and coercively in a hospital cell, by way of tarnishing my peace of mind. Having my powers robbed from me, and private thoughts obscured – with being forcibly medicated with antipsychotic drugs.
And now I am reliant on them. This is the first time in my life I am, but yes, now I need them. I have no choice but to take them, and I want to take them, and I need to take them or else I become something I don’t recognise, and a lot more vulnerable to the cosmic powers of destruction and malice, that affect my highly sensitive mindset.
Conclusion: It has been by force against me – but in parallel and in sequence with the weeks my system was forced to adapt, I cannot say I don’t have my problems without my medications.
4:45pm
I just thought “I’m proud of you.”, meant it, focused on it, and instantly my heart gave one good *pump*, of peace and calm. The heavy feeling lifts, and I glow a little, around the edges.
The Humble Rock Dove 