The Humble Rock Dove

I have met forces I can’t name, or invoke, rather, at the end of last month, and at the start of this one: November. That means (without too much explanation) Summoning their being, with intent, by using their names).

I learned quite quickly that a clean cut, or mark, made with purpose, and instinctive, deliberate, concise action, should not be returned to. Even to give tribute, gifts, “thank-you”s or praise.

So these otherworldly presences were very much keen to know what I wanted. I will tell you how the list formed and grew: the first thing I always said was the same: a girlfriend. That never wavered. “apart from that”, they’d ask, almost as a command. “To marry the girlfriend” my next deepest wish said. “Apart from that,” again, came the reply. So, with the path of natural alignment I was on, answering these questions, I said perfectly clearly, that the next two things I could only ever possibly want, (if the most powerful forces in the universe couldn’t deliver on what I truly wanted,) the only other things I could think of were “Out of life? I want a long happy one”, it was casually missed or glazed over, then came a genuine answer to prayer my fourth: “Peace of mind.”

“For as long as possible, total peace of mind, and freedom from the psychic exertion that had been building, and spiking off on up, unbearably.” This is what I said, loaded into those three words: Peace, of, Mind.

And it came, it delivered, monumentally. With a few bumps and swerves along the road at times, my prayer for total peace had been answered. In the affirmative, hallelujah.

Let’s skip forward now to today, right now. Half one AM, Saturday 29th November. For my sin (last week) of returning to the scene I should have left barriered from myself, disquiet has crept in. Against my will, of course. Many tingling particles of crystal and golden glitter flood my head. It comes and goes, at various times, durations, and also at varying intensities. “Not good”, I think, because that could lay the groundwork for something far more dangerous to my health. A path I firmly, strongly and sternly refuse to go down – the road towards a psychosis. Or apart from that: worse: a psy-op. A psychosis that mostly makes sense, in other words, while being pelted with the worst sorts of psychic “ringing” feeling across my head. That, is what I don’t want to happen, the most.

So back to Chastity: it might seem an empty gesture, and sure, it didn’t look like I was ever going to find a girl, that would signal in any way, that would make it OK for me to go over and talk to her. But what if I just stop looking for that. No assumptions and no clever reasons have been made on my behalf to support this. This stance of true indifference (not without the admission and admiration of beauty, mind you) marks pretty close to how I feel naturally about it in my core, now.

But this is freedom, this is choice, and this is something moral, to me: not to engage (oh, to find that one girl who id break the rule for). But in all seriousness: this makes things a lot simpler and is better news for all, I should imagine. Now let me tell you I don’t see this as any higher as a moral high-ground except to myself, in my own personal sense. On the severe other side, I don’t know myself as a total loser, either.

I’ll tell you what I am: I am a very fortunate man, living a unique, and privileged walk of life, and if I fail to cherish THAT, that’s the real crime.