The Humble Rock Dove

I’ve watched a couple of YouTube channels’ videos for less than a week. I wont name them.

Now i’ll take a little dab of the concept of “fetishisation” here to paint the scene as accurately as possible, because each channel, in its own way, offers up object after object of some form or another to curate a feeling of warmth in the gut. This means the whole realm of feeling someone involved in this craft, (almost especially the viewer), gets a measurement of feeling good, or “at home”, or otherwise “at ease” where things are safe, in ample supply, and “just right”. There’s quite a lot of editing involved, in differing ways sometimes. This is something I’ve described as a form of comfort such as the pink eraser tip of a pencil, and the similar “comfort” feeling, that I feel I should get from it is statement, that could possibly be that “even big YouTube influencers, can make loads of mistakes, and keep going”, like a test paper with plenty of parts erased and re-written.

Here is the building blocks towards the fetishisation of the pencil: the pencil is new, its waiting to be shaved to a point. The yellow/black paint looks good, and ready to start taking marks that have a story with them, In a different way to the lead and graphene. The pink tip, on inspection with the thumb, is soft enough to wipe away the mistake without destroying the page.

Now Imagine the pencil being near-perfectly shaved by a basic-yet-choice sharpener.

Now imagine some bokeh glamour shots panning along the pencil on a desk while being described in calm-yet-enthusiastic tones, aspects of a pencil you didn’t notice had existed before.

The background music is gentle, and upbeat, and has momentum to it, and is composed of jazzy synths and techno bleeps.

Now how do you feel about such a perfect pencil? What would you write or draw with it? It looked pretty good and you’ve always kinda wanted one like it. I guess that’s basically the portrait of what I wantes to get at with this.

By comparison, I cling to, and use the camera to finally be able to speak my mind. On day-to-day topics even. There’s precious few people that you can sit back with and talk to about almost anything in the world. YouTube, then, is where I’ve decided to do it. Give the whole world the potential to see who I am, and what I’m about. Along with, my mistakes, and lack of editing or special effects. This channel serves the purpose of pretty much any form of media I have ever had: I’ve had several Facebook accounts, with quite a few Instagram accounts, all with the same phenomenon: nothing in return.

As of today’s check on them, most of my YouTube videos have zero views. That’s far beyond my previous accounts, where I would have a few dozen, or so, who I don’t know, doing nothing. No react, no comments, nor any other thing! On YouTube, where I consistently make content, and make progress making the content, after about a month of doing so, I get a freak fifty-or-so views on one video. Much of them have less than 15 or 10, and the majority have less than 5. This is from I started posting seriously and regularly since the 14^th of November. One week less than a month with 38 videos, and less than 5 or 10 views on most of them.

I sense something off, slightly. But not enough to bother me, at all.

I watch my own videos a lot, when I want to link-in with myself speaking on the most core elements, and the most truthful facts of my life, spoken directly from me, myself. Because there is literally nobody else I have met, to do it the same way, as directly. My hunger for honesty and truth has taken my path right to this very moment.

So, how many views do you think I could get if I keep this up, keep consistent? One or two new videos on each new day or night, or both. I usually record, and if need-be, slightly edit them, then decide if one or both should end up online, where the whole world can reach them, and where nobody, or at least almost nobody, does, traceless, from where I can see.

The important thing is to keep making the videos, definitely not with sloe intention fo building or pleasing an audience. I have lived through some very significant events, that all point toward me, specifically. This can’t go nowhere. The complete lack of views are just people missing out, on my own private celebration of life, from my own perspective, in my own way, however I want.

I’ll repeat it: the important thing to me is definitely not anything to do the lack of viewers, nor the comments, nor the feedback in any way shape or form. It is: that I finally get to speak my mind on things that are important to me, or talking to the whole world, potentially, about what’s on my mind.

Having basically no views-worth-mentioning, carrys with it enormous freedom for what I want to talk about. It’s almost better than sitting with some guy I just met, even, who I just am “able to hit it off with” pretty well. No, here, I can speak precisely what I feel needs said. Here I can use words to express myself, describe things, and explain how, and what shape my attraction or repulsion has taken, from such things.

On the topic of enjoying my own content:

Here, I have a sense of my own warmth, and a mirror, not just to myself, but who I used to be, and it’s there, transparent, for the whole world to see, and check up on, the fact I am certainly no liar, that I really am a real person, and that what I have to say, I will say, no matter who listens or not. I was here, I spoke my truth, That truth stands exposed and public. This is my reality. This is my reality.

And now, as of the 7^th of December 2025, you can, or may, see: This is how I am, whether the notion of people watching even grazes my consciousness, ever so slightly, full-on, or not as well. This is who I am, was, and always will be. Always the same, always differing, on occasion.

The credits of this video go out, with many blossoms of thank-yous, to whoever afforded me this cool space, out in the open, yet totally ignored. To a degree that’s incredible. Here I am, here I am! Now leave me in solitude, give my words access to the great domain of all of mankind who can click on and watch them but don’t. Leave me in wonder, in solitude once more. Solitude, solitude, solitude. Bathing in the feeling of being so public yet so invisible. Let me marvel at that, for it is at once freedom to express, both out in the public open, fully honest, and at once, in privacy, fully true. Bless this practice, and bless you too, rogue, viewer, for studies have shown, you may just be the only other one who receives it.

God bless and Amen.

In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, I commend my hands to do the soul’s work.

You made me, you know me, inside and outside. You knew this video before the first letter contrived its place on my screen. May I humbly remain your servant, now, God, Source of all Things, and for evermore in light and in darkness, folly and jest, robed in glory and gold, or filthy, neglected or in the garments of basic or formal dignity. Thank you for my mind, freeing my mind, and all allowances and freedoms gifted to me, such as this platform. For I know you and the holiest of all hosts, are my truest, most eternal watchers. Amen, amen, and amen.